Xanga days

Lauren Shipman says that I haven't blogged in a while.

I was reviewing my old xanga(s) yesterday, and so many old memories and aspects about my life were coming back to me. It is both appalling and comforting to see who we have been. Lots of really happy and really sad memories from that day.

There was this girl that I liked from when I was 13-14, her name was Katy. In xanga days, I would post something about her nearly every day. I use to throw the "L" word around to girls I liked no freaking stop. haha, xanga Judah, you are a dork.

I think we are all pretty ambarrassed about the person we were in middle school. I am glad for those emotional and confusing days though. So much learned.

I was reading a few other xangas, as well as my own. You really see the root of a persons life long struggles begin to be developed at a very young age, and that is kind what I was seeing. But also, it is really interesting to see how far people have come from what they once were.

So much of me wants to go back in time, sit down with my self, and peacefully counsel my self to not do certain things in my life. And if I didn't listen, proceed to use more violent forms of persuasion.

Starbucks, Mike Bickle, and child prodigies

Does anyone else notice that wealthier people tend to go to cheep low quality Starbucks, while poor college kids all go to expensive high quality coffee shops? Such is life.

I am at Starbucks right now because it is the only coffee shop I have yet to run into somebody I know, and today I really need to focus on studying. No people sitting down talking to me. Funny that I am making a blog entry though. I just trade one distraction for another.

I ended up running into 3 different people I know at starbucks. That cost me 2 hours of study time.

Lydia (9), and Leah (11), jointly wrote one of the most poetic and musically impressive songs I have ever encountered. Check it out:

My dreams- By Leah & Lydia Powers

I have lived on the borders,

My real face unseen,

But where I go now,

Has no boundaries, but dreams

Walk with me,

walk with me

Out of this night

For you are my love

And you are my light

I have gone on long journeys

While walking in dreams

I’m running away

From those who seek me

I will dance with my love

In bright golden fields

And where we go

No one sees but in dreams

As I walk through this green field

While the bright sun sets

I dance and I sing

Forgetting my regrets

I will travel in dreams

I will go here and there

And where I have been,

Well I’ve been every where

I have lived

I have lived

On these strange borders

And you can’t see my face

So walk with me

Walk with me

Out of this night

For you are my love

And you are my light

Lydia was explaining its meaning to me, it is about a girl who lives by traveling through dreams. She doesn't have a real body, and her entire life is lived through the dreams we have. She is that friend that we fall in love with for a moment in our sleep, or the person we go on a grand adventure with. She lives moment by moment, dream to dream, night to night, and person to person. Really freaking creative.

Read a little out of Mike Bickle's Revelation's Study Guide. This is what I ran into within the first few pages.

Revelation 1:1

"The revelation of Jesus Christ, which God gave to him to show his servants-things that must shortly take place."

Mike Bickle's Study Guide on Revelation's: Comment on Revelation 1:1

"Revelation is not primarily about events that will happen."

What? Did he just say what I think he said?

Contrast "things that must shortly take place(Rev 1:1)" to "Revelation is not primarily about events that will happen. (Mike B.)"

For a second I thought he might actually present some convincing arguments on his views of the book of revelation. Not.

Spiritual Strongholds: Past, present, and future.

Seth and I went to Broadway today because he is studying for the GRE, and I have been studying for ear training and music theory tests that I am suppose to take at the beginning of next week. While we were there I made a routine trip to the bathroom, only to find a large graffiti upside down cross on the door of the bathroom. The cross was surrounded by several satanic symbols, and beside the cross was a figure of satan with other satanic symbols surrounding him. it was obvious that the person who drew the graffiti had spent a lot of time on it, but the funny thing is that it took me all but a minute and a half to completely destroy the entire thing with a paper towel and some water. Kind of symbolic to the way it which Jesus Christ has the ability to immediately free us from all kinds of strongholds that the enemy has spent years establishing. And maybe God gives us crap in our lives so that we might be in a position to see the horrible things the enemy has constructed in the dark, and bring those things to the Light.

I spent an hour and a half filling out an application to work for youthfront south today. Just in case it ends up being something I could do this summer. I signed up to be either a cabin leader, worship leader (which isn't going to happen), or a grounds keeper. Even though I am going to school for music, I think that is what I am least qualified to do as far as those three jobs are concerned.

I was talking to Seth today on our drive home from Broadway, and he was actually mildly considering working on the farm this summer. If that were to happen I would be freed up from that responsibility, and would be able to do something like go work for a youth camp all summer. Maybe that is what you want me to do, but who knows?

Kristen Sullivan became Kristen Sullivan Calhoun Sunday before last. Marriages make me feel either 1) glad I am single, or 2) sad that I am still single. haha, fail. Discontentment issues. In my youthfront application they asked me to explain my relationship with Jesus Christ, and I quoted the scripture from Philippians 3:8-9

"Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,"

I made the same bold statement that Paul made. But it weighs heavy on my heart. Do I really count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord? I hope so. If I don't, I pray that I do.

This scripture reminds me of a couple of years ago, when Wyatt first signed up for the military, and the Kansas City Boilar Room was having a week of 24 hour prayer. Wyatt and I had both been going to service at the Boiler Room every sunday night. So that particular sunday night I went and signed up for an hour of prayer, not really paying attention as I signed my name and phone number in the prayer slot. Later on that week I invited Wyatt to come and pray with me during my prayer slot, and he decided to come along as well. When we got there, for some reason we were instructed to go to Adam Cox's office instead of the designated prayer room. When we got to his office, Jon Doughty and Adam were both waiting for me, and they were really confused as to why I brought a friend. Come to find out, I had signed up for a spot that was specifically for someone who wanted the leadership at the Boiler Room to pray with them for an hour about specific Spiritual Strongholds that the person found them self bound to. Awkward situation, because I totally didn't consider my self to be someone who "needed the leaderships help". At first I was like "I would love it if you guys prayed with us, but I didn't mean to sign up for that slot at all." Adam kinda smiled, and Jon was like "sounds like a divine mistake". After both parties had shed light the confusion, we all settled down, and Adam told me very simply "We have been praying for you for an hour, and we feel like the Lord has given us some Scripture on you, and a few things he would like for us to tell you." He also asked me to confess any Strongholds I could think of, so that they could all pray for me that I would be set free. I was probably more honest then than I have ever been with people. Funny, the Lord knew I wouldn't personally go up there and sign up for such a prayer slot, so he made me do it on accident. All because the biggest stronghold the enemy has on me is pride, and I wouldn't humble my self to admit my utter depravity. But to bring it back to Philippians 3:4- 11

" ⁴Though I might also have confidence in the flesh. If any other man thinketh that he hath whereof he might trust in the flesh, I more:

⁵Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee;

⁶Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless.

⁷But what things were gain to me, those I counted loss for Christ.

⁸Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,

⁹And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

¹⁰That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;

¹¹If by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead. "

Adam said that I was a lot like Paul, in that the Lord had given me a lot of ability as far as the world is concerned. He said that I had a lot of worldly reason to put confidence in the flesh, just as Paul did. But just as Paul, I need to count all loss for Christ. Two years later, and still struggling with the same thing. I wish I had listened more closely all those years ago.

He also gave me an analogy. He said the Lord had made me a lot like a diamond. Hard, beautiful, and has the potential to reflect the Glory of God. But also the hardest thing to change.

Divine hands are the only the that can shape this hard rock.

So much opportunity to take pride, and yet so much opportunity to be humiliated.

Come Lord Jesus.